My Why

Hello, my name is Sam and I am here because I want to make a difference. I am an RN in an acute care setting in Milwaukee, WI. In July I lost my husband to suicide. He struggled with his mental health for a long time and was in so much emotional turmoil. I have a background in mental health which both helps and doesn’t. Nothing can prepare you for a loss like this, but I have never been angry at my husband for what he did, my heart just hurts for him. I know his choices were personal and that it was a sick version of my husband who made that decision. My husband saw his therapist the day prior and had been doing better in the last few years than he had in a long time. There were no warning signs that I could see. I went to bed one night, tucked in and snuggled up next to him and when I woke up, he was gone. Kyle had been to the partial hospitalization program at the Dewy Center but had never been approved to inpatient hospitalization for his suicidal ideations. After he died, I received so much literature in the mail from many organizations for survivors of suicide and it was both wonderful and disheartening. I wondered why there were so many resources for me, sent unprompted, and none for Kyle when he needed it. Why is it so hard to get patients with mental illness to inpatient treatment centers? I have seen it so many times working in the hospital. Our healthcare system fails people with mental illness and addiction. I have sent so many patients home from attempts or overdoses instead of treatment centers because they are either not accepted or can’t afford to go there. Our world is broken and I want to help fix it. Although my trauma is still fresh, I am committed to giving mine and Kyle’s life purpose. I want to help spread awareness, end the stigma, and give others a reason to stay. I have signed up for Wisconsin Nursing Associations Advocacy and Policy Institute where I will learn more about how to influence change in a political setting. I would like to educate myself in any way possible with a goal of making a positive impact on the world.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. One day I hope to also learn to be more concise with my words.